The house is a mess and I'm in distress
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
Winnie peed on the floor and I can't take anymore
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
There are clothes Everywhere because I do not care
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
You come once a week to bring the cleanliness we seek
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
If it were not for you I don't know what we do
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
We'd probably be on TV,the show hoarders on A&E
Oh Blanca Oh Blanca Oh Blanca
You make my house clean, the cleanest I've ever seen
I love you Blanca I love Blanca I love you Blanca
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The grossest thing I ever loved
There are a large number of you out there that love to squeeze blackheads and zits. I certainly do. This is not about that but it is just as disgusting. I hope that by making the zit reference some of you will see where I'm coming from.
Gross things just arent gross anymore when you have a baby. A ton of poop is better than constipation and spit up is a part of everyday life. This blog goes out to the boogers.
Matty has a cold. It is so sad. Imagine being very stuffed up and not being able to blow your nose. So sad.
We have a humidifier, he sleeps propped up and I even try to pick his nose. This however just didn't cut it.
I needed something more so like all of my baby woes, I brought the issue to one of the super moms at work. She was floored to hear that I did not have a snot sucker .
The snot sucker is a swedish nasal apirator and it is amazing. It pretty much is a long tube and you put one end up the baby's nose and you put the other and in your mouth and you literally suck the snots out.
You may have just thrown up.
Obviously there is a filter so that you don't get anything in your mouth. Once I heard about this I had to have it. I had it overnighted to me.
You wouldn't believe what was up Mattys nose! Omg I attacked his nose. My dad was worried that I was going to suck his brain out. But I'll tell you that boy could breathe by the time I was done!
Not going to lie I am tempted to use it on myself... Just to see...
#motherswilldoanything
Gross things just arent gross anymore when you have a baby. A ton of poop is better than constipation and spit up is a part of everyday life. This blog goes out to the boogers.
Matty has a cold. It is so sad. Imagine being very stuffed up and not being able to blow your nose. So sad.
We have a humidifier, he sleeps propped up and I even try to pick his nose. This however just didn't cut it.
I needed something more so like all of my baby woes, I brought the issue to one of the super moms at work. She was floored to hear that I did not have a snot sucker .
The snot sucker is a swedish nasal apirator and it is amazing. It pretty much is a long tube and you put one end up the baby's nose and you put the other and in your mouth and you literally suck the snots out.
You may have just thrown up.
Obviously there is a filter so that you don't get anything in your mouth. Once I heard about this I had to have it. I had it overnighted to me.
You wouldn't believe what was up Mattys nose! Omg I attacked his nose. My dad was worried that I was going to suck his brain out. But I'll tell you that boy could breathe by the time I was done!
Not going to lie I am tempted to use it on myself... Just to see...
#motherswilldoanything
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Pauly D
No, not from the Jersey Shore...
I have two Pauly D's in my life. One is a gentleman from Somerville. I absolutely love him but the stories I would have to tell are not blog appropriate.
The other is Miss Mia's Dad. I think of him as a brother in law, although more technical family members would say that we are cousin in laws. We have a few things in common...we both are parents, we both think his wife is nuts and we both love his mom Judy.
Pauly D is a great dad and apparently a great dancer.
There are many hazards at christmas time, fires caused by trees, family fights caused by the coming together of relatives that are not very fond of one another and of course, dance party related injuries.
I went over Pauly D's house the other night to find him on the couch. He was suffering from a sprained hip. He explained that this happened while dancing at his company's christmas party.
I have never seen this guy dance in my life so he must of really been beating the beat as his jersey shore namesake would say.
That is not really the best part of the story.
Pauly D's wife tutors children. On this particular night a girl was coming over for homework help. My Cousin suggested that Pauly D and his bum hip go elsewhere in the house.
Pauly D did not want to move.
She thouht that the girl might feel uncomfortable. I glanced at Pauly D, on the couch in a beater and elmo pajama pants (I kid you not), enjoying his painkillers and thought....pedofile.
Obviously Pauly D is not a pedofile but I'm not so sure I would leave my child with a man like that regardless of how good the tutor was!
Pauly D....I hope your hip heals and santa brings you some adult pajamas, oh and maybe underwear so the batman ones can go.... and please...
Bring you dance moves the the Christmas Party this year!
I have two Pauly D's in my life. One is a gentleman from Somerville. I absolutely love him but the stories I would have to tell are not blog appropriate.
The other is Miss Mia's Dad. I think of him as a brother in law, although more technical family members would say that we are cousin in laws. We have a few things in common...we both are parents, we both think his wife is nuts and we both love his mom Judy.
Pauly D is a great dad and apparently a great dancer.
There are many hazards at christmas time, fires caused by trees, family fights caused by the coming together of relatives that are not very fond of one another and of course, dance party related injuries.
I went over Pauly D's house the other night to find him on the couch. He was suffering from a sprained hip. He explained that this happened while dancing at his company's christmas party.
I have never seen this guy dance in my life so he must of really been beating the beat as his jersey shore namesake would say.
That is not really the best part of the story.
Pauly D's wife tutors children. On this particular night a girl was coming over for homework help. My Cousin suggested that Pauly D and his bum hip go elsewhere in the house.
Pauly D did not want to move.
She thouht that the girl might feel uncomfortable. I glanced at Pauly D, on the couch in a beater and elmo pajama pants (I kid you not), enjoying his painkillers and thought....pedofile.
Obviously Pauly D is not a pedofile but I'm not so sure I would leave my child with a man like that regardless of how good the tutor was!
Pauly D....I hope your hip heals and santa brings you some adult pajamas, oh and maybe underwear so the batman ones can go.... and please...
Bring you dance moves the the Christmas Party this year!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Christmas Decor
So you have probably already decorated your house for Christmas. Does it look like a winter wonderland....or an episode of hoarders?
Nick Nacks make me sick. Christmas is that special time of year when people think it is acceptable to fill theirs homes and lawns with shit.
Don't get me wrong. I like Christmas decorations...if they are done appropriately.
The most debated decoration would have to be Christmas Lights.....white vs. colored.
If you are a member of the Downs family...you have most likely been taught that colored lights are not acceptable. Unless you are Nicole...she had to think about it.
I effin hate colored lights. We went to the Christmas Stroll on East Broadway on Friday. The tree has colored lights. I would expect this from West Broadway but East??? Come on!
When I was little I always wanted colored lights on the tree...because I had no taste. My mom refused. My dad always put a tree with colored lights on the back deck....next to the light up Santa and frosty. One year we even had a separate tree in the den which I believe had colored lights. My dad is a great guy.
Some people think that colored lights are more festive and fun for the kids. I have been told that when Matty gets older I will probably have colored lights on my tree because he wants them. I gave this a lot of thought. Matty will be raised under the assumption that Santa only comes if you have white lights on your tree...because Santa is racist.
Problem Solved.
Merry Friggen Christmas
Nick Nacks make me sick. Christmas is that special time of year when people think it is acceptable to fill theirs homes and lawns with shit.
Don't get me wrong. I like Christmas decorations...if they are done appropriately.
The most debated decoration would have to be Christmas Lights.....white vs. colored.
If you are a member of the Downs family...you have most likely been taught that colored lights are not acceptable. Unless you are Nicole...she had to think about it.
I effin hate colored lights. We went to the Christmas Stroll on East Broadway on Friday. The tree has colored lights. I would expect this from West Broadway but East??? Come on!
When I was little I always wanted colored lights on the tree...because I had no taste. My mom refused. My dad always put a tree with colored lights on the back deck....next to the light up Santa and frosty. One year we even had a separate tree in the den which I believe had colored lights. My dad is a great guy.
Some people think that colored lights are more festive and fun for the kids. I have been told that when Matty gets older I will probably have colored lights on my tree because he wants them. I gave this a lot of thought. Matty will be raised under the assumption that Santa only comes if you have white lights on your tree...because Santa is racist.
Problem Solved.
Merry Friggen Christmas
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
A Carney Christmas
So last weekend we took Matty to Edaville railroad.....
I remebered Edaville as being a magical place in Carver MA...Edaville lacked magic for me this year...my cousin G might blame this on the economy...
We waited in line and paid $18 a head to see christmas lights. The clientele in line should have been my first red flag that this was not going to be like christmas in Disney. I guess I had set the bar a bit high for Carver MA.
The big draw is the train ride. The wait was about an hour and a half. Since Matty will not remember this we decided to pass.
They had some carnival rides including a ferris wheel built in the 1950's. My sister had warned me not to go on and after a look at the rusty piece of tin I decided to take her advice.
What Edaville did not lack was people with missing teeth and clothes that don't fit. Oh and dirty children. Not messy, dirty. There is a difference.
It was sort of depressing. Mary and I decided to leave a little early with Matty. We had gone with Mia and Co. and they still had more pictures of her to take in her red plaid coat....Mia
On our way out I was not thinking of Christmas or santa (who we did not see). No I was thinking about all of the people we saw and how dark the parking lot was and how it would be the prefect location for a christmas rape....
Way to get in the christmas spirit!
Sorry Matty...I will make it up to you
I remebered Edaville as being a magical place in Carver MA...Edaville lacked magic for me this year...my cousin G might blame this on the economy...
We waited in line and paid $18 a head to see christmas lights. The clientele in line should have been my first red flag that this was not going to be like christmas in Disney. I guess I had set the bar a bit high for Carver MA.
The big draw is the train ride. The wait was about an hour and a half. Since Matty will not remember this we decided to pass.
They had some carnival rides including a ferris wheel built in the 1950's. My sister had warned me not to go on and after a look at the rusty piece of tin I decided to take her advice.
What Edaville did not lack was people with missing teeth and clothes that don't fit. Oh and dirty children. Not messy, dirty. There is a difference.
It was sort of depressing. Mary and I decided to leave a little early with Matty. We had gone with Mia and Co. and they still had more pictures of her to take in her red plaid coat....Mia
On our way out I was not thinking of Christmas or santa (who we did not see). No I was thinking about all of the people we saw and how dark the parking lot was and how it would be the prefect location for a christmas rape....
Way to get in the christmas spirit!
Sorry Matty...I will make it up to you
Monday, November 21, 2011
Cousin Rivalry
I have a confession...
I am jealous of my cousin and her baby. I know, I know it's just not right but when your family member has a child that looks like she was picked up at the cabbage patch how are you supposed to compete with that??
Don't get me wrong. My son is a stud, obviously. We are two peas in a pod for sure.
There was never any intention of being competitive. Thank god I did not have a girl. We would be screwed.
It's not just that this baby (you all know who I am talking about) is the cutest child ever, it's that her mom, my cousin/practically sister is like super mom.
They get dressed and go out every day. While my ass is imprinted on the recliner and my son has spent 90% of his life in jammies.
I swore that I would take the baby out today. It is only 1:30 so I still have time. However, I also just called sals for a delivery (see you never size 25 jeans).
When my son cries, I have a meltdown. When my cousin's child cries she puts her hair in pigtails, gets out the uppa and off they go, smiling in no time.
WTF...you are making me look so bad.
We are not talking about a stay at home mom either...she is doing it all...with cabbage patch in tote. I can't even go to stoppies with Matty.
Girls also develope faster than boys so there is no end in sight. Cabbage patch will be reading novels and I will still be trying to explain that lmnop is in fact 5 seperate letters.
They say this will get better and we will get into a routine...
I say...I friggen love the recliner and Matty friggen loves pajamas
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